So much change
View from my mama’s back deck. I spent a lot of time here during recovery.
Let’s face it, this past year we have all been through changes on a colossal level. This could easily be a post about how we have faced change during the Covid pandemic. We are experiencing a collective trauma that has altered so much; however, I want to talk about a big change in my life that began a few months before the rest of the world started to lose its mind. Honestly, I wasn’t planning on writing about this so soon. I’m still processing what happened but this event and its aftermath is what got me writing again, so there is that.
I’ll just come out and say it. In November of 2019, Thanksgiving weekend to be exact, I suffered a cerebral stroke at the age of 48. I know what you are thinking, and yes, that is young. My nurse in the hospital told me this many times. I’m sure I will get into the details of the stroke another time but the important thing to know is that the stroke caused me to lose hearing in my right ear. This was not diagnosed until about 5 weeks later and it was a big shock. I was completely unprepared for this possibility.
So many things shifted for me when the stroke happened. I lost about 10 pounds in 2 days because I was so sick. My balance was affected. I needed physical therapy to regain control and walk steadily. I walked with a hiking stick until March. My handwriting was unreadable. It took weeks to make it legible and months to have it back to normal.
I think the biggest adjustments are due to losing all hearing in my right ear. I now need people to stay on my left because I can’t hear them otherwise (or at least not very well). I didn’t realize how much I relied on lip-reading until masks covered up mouths as well as muffled sound. This can be frustrating, especially since I live outside the USA and language is already a barrier. I also have trouble telling where a voice or sound is located.
I do not know where to begin to tell you how this event affected me emotionally and spiritually. When the doctor first told me that I had had a stroke, I wanted to know what to next. I was very practical, almost methodical. I think just naming what was happening to me was a bit of a relief and made me focus on the next (shaky) step and healing. I had a purpose and that was to get better.
Recovery has been a process. I’ve passed the one-year anniversary and I have noticed how much better I am. But I still have bad days, setbacks. I struggle with dizziness and vertigo. Walking downstairs is still an issue which is compounded by the fact that I live on the 3rd floor (4th floor to the Americans out there) without an elevator. I tire easily. I’m still working through some of the emotions of it all.
The aftermath has not been all negative. I am thankful for the people in my life who have helped me through this. I have come to rely on God more. I’m better at asking for help. And I’ve become very good at setting and keeping boundaries, a lesson I am still learning. Rest has become a bigger part of my rhythm. I am getting pretty good at sabbath.
The best thing to come of this is that I have started writing again. I began to journal my thoughts as I processed some pretty big emotions. I needed to physically write to regain strength and control in my hand, but I also needed it to help begin my emotional healing too. During this process, I realized how much I missed writing. I am grateful that this change brought me back to something I love.
Below are some other posts about change written by a few fellow hope*writers. Please take a few moments to read them as well.
Season Change www.sharlahallett.com/season-change/
Change How You Parent: Fear or Faith?
https://jarfullofmanna.blog/2021/04/01/change-how-you-parent-fear-or-faith/
Make the Change: How to Start a Business From Home https://www.ashleyolivine.com/make-the-change-how-to-start-a-business-from-home/
Easy Sleep Routine Changes to Fall Asleep and Stay Asleephttps://www.epigenwellness.com/easy-sleep-routine-changes/
Would I Change It? By Amy Cobb