Not Yet Arrived

Today I took offense at something. It didn’t last long. But at first, I was angry enough I wanted to rub the other person’s face into what they had just done. Shame them because what they said brought up feelings of littleness and insignificance.  Show them how cutting and belittling they had been. Maybe be cutting and belittling myself.

But then I paused. Breathed in and out slowly. Perhaps a sigh or two escaped my lips. And. I. Did. Nothing. I realized that they truly didn’t mean to belittle, to negate what I had just said. That wasn’t their heart. And that realization was freeing.

I could have made the whole situation worse by escalating things. Caused tension or wounding all because of my own insecurities. When in actuality, they most likely were not thinking about me at all. I am not at the center of everything. It’s true! When I stepped back from the moment and really considered what was going on, I realized I was injecting my own self-doubts. Projecting what I imagined they were thinking about me. Because if they thought a fraction of some of the horrible things I think about myself at times, it wouldn’t be very encouraging. And it’s just not the truth.

Most days it is obvious that I am in the middle of my journey, that I have not yet arrived. The days where I fail, or am weary, or just don’t try.

But I cherish the times when I get a glimpse of how far I have come, see the evidence of hard work. I am learning not to wish away the middle. It is valuable too.