Value

Prague Castle in Spring

I read a quote from a fellow hope*writer this week. Kristyn Denooyer posted, “In our singleness, we are not our usefulness.” This sentence rang so true to me. I sometimes feel that I am not seen for who I am but for what I can do. Since I am not married and don’t have any children, it may seem like I have a plethora of free time. I am a senior leader of an international organization. I am blessed by my singleness to be able to do a very time-consuming and challenging job without having to worry about how it affects my family. I know this is a gift.

But here is the flip side. When I enter into those busier than normal seasons (we all have them), there is no one there to pick up the slack. I have no one who will do the grocery shopping, cook dinner, do laundry, or run errands. It is all on me. And that is oh so tiring, even defeating at times.

Not to mention that I don’t have that intimate someone to vent to when I feel overwhelmed, when imposter syndrome strikes, or I am dealing with a difficult situation and I just need to process.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think being married is the magic answer. I don’t know how my colleagues with families juggle it all either. Most days I am grateful that I only must think about myself. But my time is not less valuable because I don’t have a family to account for. Toilets need to be scrubbed no matter what!

And honestly, I think my colleagues would be sad to know I feel this way sometimes. I know it is not purposeful. I doubt I am the only one hanging out laundry during a call because there is no other time to do it. I know we are all overworked at different times in our lives, and I don’t have to think of others’ needs in the midst of it all. I don’t bemoan being single, I value it. But I do wish the hardship of it all was noticed sometimes.

This brings to mind a new notion I have been introduced to recently – people keeping. How can I value people’s time just as I want mine to be valued? Can I trust that my own needs will be met as I try to meet the needs of others? I will admit that this is challenging for me. It is easy to show my frustration and rant about my need for my time to be valued. Am I really valuing that in my colleagues, my friends, my family?

I want to challenge us all (yes, including me) to pick one person in our life who seems to be in a busy season. Once you have decided who that is, find a way to show them this week that they are valued for who they are. You might send them a note, or flowers. You could even cancel a meeting with them and give them the gift of time. I personally would love that! Maybe you could pick someone new each week. Who knows what the ripple effect will be?

I’d love to hear from you to see how this challenge works for you. Or let me know if you need some ideas on how to show your appreciation for someone. Comment below to connect.