The Goodbye Season
A very good friend (one of my tribe) came by with her baby this week. The weather is finally warm enough to venture outside so we decided to grab takeaway coffees and chat in the monastery gardens behind my house. She is leaving for the states for the summer, and this was the last time I will see her for three months. It dawned on me that this was the beginning of the goodbye season.
It’s the beginning of goodbye season and I am not mentally prepared for it. I’m definitely not emotionally or spiritually ready. I usually head to the states every summer for my job. And since I have to go back for work, I take the opportunity to extend my stay and see friends and family. I can do a lot of my work remotely and things slow down over the summer.
“And my heart just isn’t ready.”
I’m not going back to the states this year so the obvious cues to help me begin the inner work and processing of folks leaving (either for the summer or for good) hasn’t happened. And the unusual flow of the year has been interrupted with various stages of lockdown disrupting my normal rituals and pace. We have all been so isolated, barely seeing anyone, and now it’s time for this year to end. It’s jarring.
There are some natural patterns in the life of an expat, especially if you are a cross-cultural worker.
The goodbye season is usually from the end of May through June. People leave for the summer or change assignments, some return to their passport countries for good.
The slow season lasts the whole summer. People (sometimes it’s you!) are away for the summer, school is out, regular meetings are paused.
The hello season starts at the end of August and goes until about October. This is when new teammates arrive, you meet new workers from other organizations and others who just moved to your city. It’s a busy season of reestablishing rhythms or creating new ones.
Then you settle into what I call normal for now life (because each year is unique) which lasts from late fall until the end of spring, only to start the whole process over again.
We had an end-of-the-year picnic for our members yesterday. I was once again faced with the fact that this was a time of goodbyes. And it’s really hard, y’all. I think this year is harder than most because we have seen so little of each other. Things are just now opening up and we are allowed to meet together just in time to say goodbye for a season or longer (maybe forever). And my heart just isn’t ready.
I know how to do this. I lead sessions where I help teams process and debrief the year, prepare for their time at home, and how to get ready for the fall. I know all the steps. The timing sneaked up on me. But I need to recognize that just because I know the steps doesn’t make it easier. It’s ok for me to feel shaken. I just need to not let that overwhelm me. To see the good in letting go. To be at peace with it.
How do you handle your goodbye seasons? Do you have a way to help you deal with it? Let me know in the comments.
