People Keeping

I was introduced to the term “people keeping” a while back and it has intrigued me. It’s an idea that I can’t shake loose. I find myself holding on to it like a dog who won’t drop a ball, or like a child with candy in its grip. But it’s also something that I can’t quite discern, a bit ethereal.

As humans, we were created to be in community with one another. This idea of people keeping has to do with that. With hospitality. Welcoming people in, even when it is hard. Making a community with those around you, even when it is difficult. Sacrificing for the common good. Laying your needs down for others. Putting them first, even when it doesn’t come easily. Are you sensing a theme here?

It also means having uneasy conversations. Digging deeper than is comfortable. Putting yourself in situations that are stretching. Taking a chance sometimes and trusting the other person stretches a little too. Growing together. Even if the other party doesn’t meet you halfway. Sometimes you need to close the gap to make growth happen in relationships. Hoping they can come to you when it’s too difficult for you to close the gap.

It comes back to the idea that I raised before. Can I trust that my needs will be met by serving others?

I’ve been in a sticky situation with a colleague this past year. He keeps holding on to past hurts and not letting them go. Some of the hurts aren’t even his. He seems to think as a leader he must carry them. How can I convince him to lay them down? That continuing the pain of these historical hurts is not helping anyone, least of all him. How do I practice people keeping in a way that honors him and helps him grow, but helps me grow as well?

It would be nice to dictate how it will be from now on. But I know that is not helpful. It could be damaging. I want to be life-giving. I know that as a people keeper it is something I am called to do. I am just at a loss as to how. I think I need to get to the bottom of why he feels he must carry these burdens, these old hurts. What does he get out of them? He must be getting something because he refuses to let go.

What are you receiving from holding on to past hurts? Is it a sense of justice – the knowledge that you were right in a situation, but were treated otherwise? Or maybe you feel completely wronged by what happened and you want to wallow in that? We don’t all get the outcomes or the I’m sorrys that we think we deserve. I’ve discovered that holding on to hurts only separates us. And friend, that is not how we are meant to live.

I’m not saying to let folks walk all over you. What I am saying is to not let them have the power to keep you down. You are worth so much more than that. Your people (your tribe) want to see you thriving, even if your world didn’t go exactly as planned. They want to practice people keeping with you. Let them. Then turn around and practice it on them.

We all have a part to play. We all need someone and someone needs us. And I think that is the basics of this people keeping. I think it is a good way to start.